I misunderstood the point of this ride

I'm still reeling a bit from this weekend, and I've had to severely restrict my MCR intake for the time being. (No Black Parade every morning on the way to work! No "Famous Last Words" for awhile! Just a song here and there.) Concentrating at work is almost harder than it was last week.

Also, I keep trying to write a detailed, chronological concert report, and (three drafts later) it's really not working. On the one hand, it gets ridiculously melodramatic (probably because it was. Even getting to the concert was a sort of fairy tale journey, complete with a decent set of tribulations--buses, flying, filthy New York subways with rats, and five hours standing in the rain--and a transformative experience at the end). On the other, it comes out far too stilted. I'm too fucking emotional and not nearly eloquent enough.

( I give up? Kind of? )

No, I'm definitely not capable of explaining why the experience was so profound. jjtaylor does a fantastic job here. I've seen other great posts, but I think that's the one I identified with the most strongly. She's much better at describing Gerard than I am.

I've already talked a bit about the effect this fandom has on me; that I have so much more inspiration and energy now. Sad though I am that My Chemical Romance has gone away for awhile, I am left with the latter part of Gerard's goodbye: "keep yourselves alive." I've seen this echoed through the journals of some of the other lovely fangirls I know, and the fact that he can make those words work like that really speaks for itself.

My Chemical Romance and Gerard Way set out to "save lives," and I remember being completely incapable of taking that sentiment seriously. These days, I interpret it a little differently, for myself: I'm left with the inspiration to create things of my own, to get back to really living my life instead of just drifting along. (It's pretty clear that I'm not the only one who feels this way! I keep finding it in other peoples' posts. Fangirls. <3) I can't say I'm unafraid, but fucking hell, I'm going to do it. I have stories to tell in words and pictures; and hey, that's something Gerard and I have in common.

(I will miss MCR so much for the next two years, or however long their break actually is. I just found them. But I am so excited to see more of Gerard's other work, which I actually came to first. I realize that I am actually his fan, before I'm their fan, though I'm certainly both.)

As for the Honda Civic Tour concert on Sunday . . . it was a much more light-hearted affair. ( I really needed that. )

Okay, that was still a bit scattered, but it's probably the best I can do. I should go and try to earn my wages a little bit, I suppose. There should be fanart from me soon, though. Also, I really need to try and be less of a lurker in general. I love this fandom, and I met some really fabulous people this weekend, albeit briefly. I'd like to be more of a part of it all.

I mean, one of the most amazing things about these experiences has been the people I've had to share them with. sweetvalleyslut, who was with me through almost every minute of the entire thing, who is totally fucking responsible for my being there (and still the best best friend ever for taking all that whiplash in her stride), who held on and swayed with me through some of the saddest moments of the MSG concert. olivia_circe, who came such a fucking far distance, who dazzles me with her meta and makes me salivate with her fic ideas, who texted feverishly with me when I was alone at the HCT. fuschia, who I have so missed sharing a fandom with so damn much. I love you guys. <3 <3 <3

I've totally dissolved into mush now, so I'll leave you with:

"Everything deserves a happy ending. Even if it's a story about the end of the world, you should find some way to end it with a dozen roses. Just throw a little sparkle all over it." -Gerard Way